Phrases that don't make sense when you think about them:

"I feel like..."

I've been noticing lately just how much we use the expression, "I feel like..." If you don't believe me, listen to people talk for a day. You'll be amazed (Unless, of course, I have just surrounded myself with feeling people who use this expression more than usual).

Now, I know that there are times when saying that you feel something is appropriate. Like when you feel warm. Or feel cold. But, we say that we feel things that really we think we know. I think we're just socialized to make our thoughts and beliefs sound subjective so we don't sound overconfident.

"I was just going to say..."

No, you were not going to say. I am hearing it, so you have said it. If you were just going to say it, than the rest of us would never know it. And it would probably be better that way. Again with the mimimizing of personal opinion....if you're going to speak up, than do it, like you intend to do it.

Yes, this is a short list. I'm sure there are more but I'll leave it at the ones I've been noticing lately.

At risk of using another phrase that has been deemed rather annoying, "No offence" if you do use these phrases (because I'm sure that I use them too....but, hey, I'm not perfect yet;) 

“The Wave”

So you’re driving down the highway, with every car bumper-to-bumper, and a car in another lane signals to get over.  You can ignore them and drive on by; someone else will let them over. Or, you can let them over, because, after all, you are a nice person and would want the same done for you. After they get over you look through their back windshield and wait…what are you waiting for?!

You’re waiting for the wave.

Sure, it’s a nice thing to let someone else in…but you want to be acknowledged. You want them to make a gesture indicating that they recognize that you went out of your way for them, and that they appreciate it.

Still waiting. No wave.

 I don’t know about you, but at this point, I feel a couple things. First, I’m irritated that they don’t seem to appreciate my consideration. Simultaneously, I feel guilty for wanting them to be appreciative.

Ever heard of altruism? Merriam-Webster defines it as, “Unselfish regard for or devotion to the welfare of others.” Excuse me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure that this is what people like to believe they expressing when they do something kind for someone else. The desire for altruistic (Or I suppose, Christ-like) behavior collides with my desire for unselfish actions to be recognized.

When I do get the wave I feel good about letting someone in front of me. Kind person, they deserve it. They recognize that the goodness they are experiencing in the car right now is partially thanks to me. When I don’t get it I think of them as rude, selfish people who think that they deserve to be put first, and I’m just doing my job and allowing them to take their rightful place.

Now, I don’t want you to think that this whole wave thing really makes a huge impact on my life…because it doesn’t. But, I do think that it’s interesting that even something so small as prolonging my trip in the car by a few seconds in order to benefit someone else can make me consider my attitude towards others.

I want to be an altruist, someone who does good for others simply for the sake of doing it…because I believe that this is what Christ calls us to do (Although this is ultimately done out of an expression of Christ’s love though, not a motivation-less act). At the same time though, it’s a struggle not to be affirmed by people on earth.

I’m trying not care whether or not I get the wave. I’m not sure if I’ll ever completely be able to harbor my feelings for the non-wavers….but I have no doubt that this little event in the course of the day can set the tone for whatever else may happen.

Procrastination

Sometimes I wonder what it is that keeps me from doing what I think that I want to do...

I want to eat right. I want to exercise. I want to finish projects. I want to get things done early.

...but I don't. Why!?

If I could figure out what the solution to procrastination and laziness is, I'd be a rich lady, and would probably have time to be lazy (guilt free!). I don't think I ever will though...

You could say that it's solved by hard work, or motivation, or someone pushing you, but maybe those things are just covering it up. I think that deep down most people just don't like to work for something. Thinking about it, I don't think that I do.

In spite of what many people may think, I really don't think that I like to exercise. Yes, I like how I feel when I'm done, because I feel accomplished, but really...I don't enjoy exrcising. It hurts. And there, I believe, is the root of the problem.

It hurts to work hard. It hurts to grow. It hurts to do something that doesn't come naturally. And working hard doesn't come naturally.

I wish I could eat right...but I just don't like lettuce. I do like pizza. Yes, I should make better choices...and slowly, I think that I'm learning to. But this too hurts. It hurts my stomach because lettuce leafs me hungry (get it, leafs? Ahh), and it hurts my head because I can only talk myself out of ice cream for so long.

It seems like we never inately want to do the right thing, it's always a battle. It's always working to do it...

I don't really have a conclusion. It's 5:08 AM and I'm currently procrastinating from getting any work done at work...maybe I should though.

...but my feet hurt and I don't want to get up and take care of patients. Oh well.

...some things just take a little more time.

I have come to the conclusion that most things that seem 'hard' in life aren't necessarily difficult...they just take more time. 

I've been asked how grad school is coming, and for the first couple weeks I answered that it was tough.  A little further into the year, and my answer now is that it isn't hard so much as it just takes a lot (or perhaps most) of my time. 

Most things in life can be learned, and most learning takes time...people just don't seem to want to invest time in anything anymore. 

I caught a quote on, "Good Will Hunting" today, and I think it is very true:  "You dropped a hundred and fifty grand on a...education you coulda got for a dollah fifty in late chahges at the public library."  Now, while I clearly see the value in getting an education I also realize that I could probably learn just about everything they're teaching me if I were to invest my time and do it without the threat of bad grades and failure.  Unfortunatly, the people handing out lisences don't think this is as meaningful. 

So, my point is?  I don't really know...I've just been thinking a lot lately about how I percieve life.  I need to see things from a tame management perspective instead of a capability perspective.  Perhaps I will come back and edit this later.  Perhaps not....I might not have time;)